Below are the 3 most recent journal entries recorded in Clarissa Marie's LiveJournal:

Monday, November 13th, 2000
7:35 am	What a weekend!!! Saturday was Camron's funeral. I cried the whole time. It took me like 20 minutes before I could even step inside. It was the hardest thing I have been through and I can't help but feel hurtness. It was weird all the homies from the old school were their with their nasty girlfriends. Afterwards we all went to Red Bridge to party and camp but the cops said we couldn't be there because we all were drinking so we all went to my friend Jenn's and had a party with lots of people, booze and a huge bon fire. I passed out about 11 p.m. and everyone was holding candles and praying to Camron. I woke up at about 1a.m. and I saw my cuz Allie with this dude Chaz. I found out yesterday morning that she lost her virginity to him. That night was crazy. Camron's brother was all over me and I can't find a nice way to tell him that even though his brother's gone I still have alot of love for him. Does anyone have any ideas? Well it's school time now I must go. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 8th, 2000
7:40 am	Shitty day in Washington I woke up this morning and felt this great rush of saddness and fustration. School's a bitch and my home life sucks ass but I think the presence of Camron was in my room. They say that when it rains outside the dead is crying. I wonder if that's true? I don't know this whole dying thing just seems so unreal. Dead is such a final word. I think I'd be able to cope better if I got to say goodbye but I think he can hear me so I'm pretty confident that he knows deep inside somewhere that I do still care. Allie ( my cuz) was balling yesterday and it is so hard to comfort her when I can't comfort myself. Is that selfish? Last night I was thinking about a whole bunch of shit. Life in general is a bitch and I'm so sick and tired of life disappointing me,why can't I disappoint life? My mind is so confused about everything. My mom thinks I'm crazy cuz I write dark poems and journal entry's but it's just the way I know how to discribe my feelings. Camron's funeral is tomorrow. I'm scared that I will not be able to control myself. He will be cremated and buried by his grandmother. It saddens me that it won't be an open-casket but the gun completly tore up his head and his family doesn't have enough money to bury him anyways. I sure do miss him. This Saturday me along with his family and about 100 other people are going camping at his favorite camping site. We'll drink alittle and smoke alittle for him and remember his little quirks :) He was a great guy and I want everyone that knew him to always remember that. I must go now much love to everyone. R.I.P CAMRON I love you buddy. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 7th, 2000
7:51 am	Bye to My Darling Camron Yesterday I got a call that my friend/exboyfriend was dead. He shot himself in the head on Saturday the fourth and died on the fifth at 10:10 am. A bunch of us got together and had a little memorial. I haven't seen the old crew in like 2 years and what a way to reunite. He was only 18 and had nothing, he lived in a van with a baby on the way and had no hope for a better tommorrow. The questions come up, did he kill himself or was it an accident? Someone was threating to kill him so he made a special bullet that divides into fours so when he shot himself it exploded into four different parts of his brain. He was on life support for 20 hours and the doctors said that if he was to survive then he would be a vegtable so they pulled the plug. I didn't even see him to say goodbye or that I loved him. Now he's gone and he has no clue how I feel for him. He will always be in my heart and soul. Camron, I love you, you are the darkest of dark and soon I will be there to strap on my dark wings and fly with you throughout the dark clouds. Everyone loves you and soon we will all be together again. Clarissa Marie (Comment on this)